some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
