I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
