i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
