I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize