exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
