She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
