So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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