i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
