Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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