I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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