i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
