she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Terrible idea I love it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
