Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
