my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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