hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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