I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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