Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have tasted many bathrooms
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
