If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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