Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
