She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
