remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
