Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
