I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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