i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
