cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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