and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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