watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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