i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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