No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if only i could text you this smell
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
