In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
