3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
