sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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