If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
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diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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