"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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