I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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