dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I believe in your delicious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
