i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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