"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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