He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
