I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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