Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
