The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
