he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
