I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
