My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize