Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
