You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
