my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
