we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
