I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize