I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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