We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's never too late to be topless.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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