wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
