I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize