the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
