oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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