you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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