Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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