Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
