I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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