I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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